To just tell the story...i let him almost destroy my life. I gave him ALL power
over me , my desicions, my choices. It ruined me. I was somone who was always
positive, happy, excited to do something.. athletic snd proud of who i was. When
this boy came into my life all those great things vanished and i allowed it,
because i thought "i loved him"..yeah whatever clearly that was false. I started
spending ever waking moment with him.. i was surrounded by all the un clean and
bad things he revolved his life around.. the drugs, the people, the choices..
the anger...
He became abusive twards me, he became controlling and
compulsive. I started recieving bruises..and constantly began to be yelled at. I
was a new punching bag. This is where it all started. i began to feel
worthless..like i diddint deserve naything better than this. i pushe dmy friends
away..and most of all my family. I became un pleasant to be around, a bully, and
most of all unkind. i vividly remember my little brother crying and not wanting
to be around me because "i was mean" and because "i hurt him" i hurt somone i
love the most, my little brother physicly and emotionly. i will never be able to
forgive myself for the pain i inforced on the people i love and care about
around me.
In april 2011 i was severly injured. I was at my very last
soccer game of the season, when i was headed in the temple by and oposing
player. My life took a major dive at this point in my life. After spending a day
or two at swedish hospital in bremerton, I was diognosed with severve and
uncontrollable brain swelling, a trapped and torn optical nerve, a orbital
blowout fracture, and lastly a shattered sinus cavity. Im just gunna say it was
hell to the max. i was taken out of school for a month just on bed rest. i was
sent to surgery, and loaded on medication. My days consisted of many Dr.
oppintments, tears , many migraines, and pain. The worst part is i felt alone,
Like no body cared. Its my fualt to that i made myself feel like that and not
only that but i put my self in that situation as well. later in my accident i
fell into a severe and deep depression where suicide was a daily thought, and
some days an attempted action. Those thoughts and actions felt like they never
ended, suicide was constantly on my mind... I thought that it was never gunna go
away, i was never gunna get better. That i had no hope or even a chance to
return back to the person i used to be. I believed i was worthless, unloved,
unwanted , stupid , and that my evolution on this earth was pointless. As the
long days continued while laying in a hospital bed my life came to a point where
the person (the boy) who i thought loved me dumped me. Ill tell you being on a
certain amount of main meds that make you go kinda kookoo did not do me well
that night... Or the next ... Or the next.
It was a few months after my
treatment died down and life was turning somewhat back to normal, i still had no
motivation hated life, hated friends, and pretty much gave up every thing i had
ever loved. I rejected anything and everything. Little did i know my little dark
world was ever gunna change .. Then it did. In october 2011 my best friend tammy
drug my cranky butt out of the house and to a high school soccer game that i
made very clear i did not want to attend. As tammy and i were sitting in the
bleachers at the game something happened that made every thing change, something
i will never forget. Walking on over to me was this tall blonde boy in a pink
tutu, with the biggest and sweetest grin on his face. As he approached me
pridefully and excited, i looked at him curiously, when out of the blue he
reached down grabbed my hand looked at me and said " Hi im perry and im gunna
give you a handjob!" Then he starts rubbing my hand casually and awkwardly. Now
my response? Uhm wtf is wrong with this kid? I blankly stares at him while tammy
my friend burst out laughing. Then He just let go of my hand, smiled and said
"im gunna text you" . And thats where it all begins.
To be honest i never
knew i was gunna fall this hard. I thought he was just the same As all the other
guys... Which is normal for a 15 year old girl. I was blinded by the fact that
there was good people out in this world of pain, and that maybe possibly someone
would actually go through he motions to try and make an impact on my life. This
boy opened the door to a whole new world for me. He taught that i could be more
than i was, that i could be better. After about a month or two of spending time
together and begging to grow a unbreakable love for one another and a forever
friendship, perry introduced me to the most important and special thing i hold
in my heart to this day. The church of jesus christ of latter day saints. In
other words the "mormon" church. It changed me. It saved me. It helped me find
who i was and that Out of everyone else on this earth i have a important
purpose.
I remember like yesterday ... In fact ill never forget the Very
moment sitting in the baptismal font room, with perry sitting by my side, when
the missionary's asked me if i would be willing to be baptized. Without even a
single doubt the word yes flowed calmly out of my mouth.
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